Happy 29th Birthday to me~~

Its midnight now... Happy birthday to me... here I am lying on my bed, unable to sleep... babies beside me...

Nobody bothered to stay till midnight to wish me... no surprises no gift.. snoring got laah.. *sigh* is it caused by old age we no longer be bothered whose birthday? is it cos we are married for FIVE years that birthday wishes and love is no longer important? *SIGH*

Anyway....

Something I would like to pen down on my 29th birthday..

I'm spending my birthday ALONE.. In osotto... Which is something I've planned since last month..

Away from work, away from kids, always from husband.. It's a pampering day for my own self. If everything goes well, so will next year birthday be.. Another pampering day for only me...
******
Sometimes I felt the life decision I made sucks. And that's how I'm not contented in this life anymore..

If I have insisted to get OUR OWN HOME before marriage.. Life probably is better now.. I'll be MARRIED to my husband, not his family as well.. Which will make me more sane...

If I have not been so h**rny and lazy and san that condom.. I don't need to get married that early. Probably get to enjoy a few more years of single life happier with a boyfriend. And maybe a few more years in KE too..

I shouldn't have help my husband in his biz.. Not that I'm a bad wife.. But this business have taken us apart... All the stress from the business, brothers, workload, responsibilities making us drifting further.

At times I have bad thoughts of getting a divorce and freeing myself from this self-brought torturous life..

Marriage.. Sometimes I do wonder what is it for apart from binding us legally as husband and wife.. I was waaaaay happier before i got married..
Marriage is like you're automatically bound to do the extra house chores and paperwork of your husband.. And I didn't see that in our "marriage contract"

And since this kids.. Life is less sweet and excited as before marriage

Marriage makes a man(some men) think it's time to be more responsible with life and hence.. Less spending in entertainment.. More investment in a better life.. More savings=less fun

Good.. But not happy..

I don't get it, is it only my husband or everyone is like that?

Marriage makes guys think they have won the courtship and so, no need to put effort in loving the wife more, surprising her, showering more love... Which I think it's nessesary to keep the fire burning... Lifetime..

Marriage means you can be pouty or frowny to your wife and speaking less lovingly to her and she can't do anything cos she married to him... Unless the D word comes over... Which everything is too late to recover...

Yes I know social media is where we show everybody the happy parts. So I see people spending fortunes to go holiday overseas and get a hinge of jealousy. Yes we may not know probably she had arguements with her husband a day before, or work like shit at home before the trip, or family stress upon her before this trip.. But still.. Flight to LA and JW Mattiot hotel? Fuh..

But that jealously turn to sadness that my passport was not as fully used like last time. Jet setting to so many countries.. Enjoying life.. The the self questioning will appear asking did I marry the wrong guy? I should have choosen xxx instead.. I shouldn't have resign that job that at times make me unhappy and lonely but still get to let me fly around, shop around and earn MORE money...

Some incidents just make me think. Why me?? Why must it be MY DUTY to laundry the clothes, iron the clothes, filing the bills, make milk for my kids, cooing them to sleep, settling their tantrumous cries, cleaning the house.. Etc.. When I also have a full time office job? Where are my alone time? I cant even stay back slightly later in office to surf the internet! and I cant even do it at home! What life is this???? Am I not belong to myself anymore once im married with kids?????

Why I should contemplate with earning a mere 2k job and should be contemplating when ITS NOT ENOUGH???

Why should I save and spend less because I earn so less???

Why why why.. This questions will never get a satisfactory answer.. It's just things you "should" do when YOU ARE MARRIED...

FUCK MARRIED LIFE.

I miss flying.... :*(

I dont miss the job.. I miss travelling... T_T

I see everybody in fb... new destination.. new activities.. I wanna join tooo.... T_T

I miss Korea... yes I do... I miss four seasons.... 

I miss flying to USA... yes.. apart from the long hours... but I miss shopping their local brands and factory outlets...

I regret not finding out that joaan, micheals and many other craft stores.. exist before I stop... or purchased some sorta craft machine then...

I jealous see ppl fly to SFO... a place I havent set foot yet..

I miss wearing my winter wear and boots...

I regret to not getting myself a Chanel bag before I stop....

I miss enjoying my LO and DO alone doing my thing... I miss pampering my own self alone... 

Enjoying high life and higher pay... traveling to different countries and cities... shop what I want, buy what I want..

Times passes by very fast when you fly too...

Pro and cons... but still.. It's better than saving up large sum of $ harder than previously and pay own ticket and cheap hotel and travel only like once a year..

Europe? probably once every 10 years??

I wish to have a chance to fly again... maybe not with KE,... but now that Im married... leaving too far from Hubby is not a nice thing....  like I wanna go SQ or Cathay.. but that means going far away for a long time w/o Hubby... dont think I can miss that...

Im 26 already... age limit coming soon... and I doubt Hubby let me fly... but I realy really miss!!

SIGH.....

I know.. emo post again.. Im emo today.... emo and angry... I dont know how to let my frustration out... how to settle things that are not all in my hand.

A week passes so quickly...

Even that I'm doing nothing @ home... :(

It's like "what I did last Monday?" I don't remember! What bout Tuesday? What have I done so far other than Yoga at night?? I don't know! I know I went out on Wednesday... and that's one day gone~




Candice and I bought each of these from Popular Bookstore. Its like 70% (RM2.4) for a box of 3.
Though I need to stir up the glitters when I need to use it.
And Im praying this will work
Wondering what is the difference between this and those expensive "Ice stickles"
And Im guessing its not acid free

 I made a list of thing I wanna do, but yet nothing I felt is done ON TIME!

I haven't crochet a beret cap till now.. not any caps at all... *fail 1*

I started this on a Friday night, and finished it of on Saturday morning..
What can you see? What you think it looks like?
I don't have black yarn so I sub with blue.
I don't have mushroom eyes so I knotted up the thread and made eyes.. :(
The bee's mouth are slanted, making it looks like a wicked bee.
YES ITS A BEE
what else?

this is how the bee supposed to be..

*fail 2*

FUCK.

I feel like I am a Total Fail Person TT__TT

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 

 Sorry I cant help it but to express it... =*(

a tineeee "rose flower"
ok lah, can make a few more and stick on scrap layout...

And Im so freakin broke right now.. and I still wanna buy summore! TT____TT

Just spent like RM500 on work wear shopping on Saturday! 4 tops, 1 set of black suit. Luckily its kinda sale..50%.. hmmm.. at least I don't need to buy work wear like for this year.. I HOPE!!! Yeah, Hubby is paying.. but I paid with my CC first leh TT__TT

I feel useless.. =*(

And can you believe it? I'm waiting for company bonus so I can buy summore Martha Stewart Punches.. *fail 3*

My snow globe is not done yet T_T *fail 4*

I varnished them with epoxy glue on Friday (One whole day!)
Now, its on testing period, soaking it in water and see if the water seeps thru or not

I wrapped a laminate to this pic and seal the back with epoxy glue too..

Its a mess... I know
But this morning I found that I dint seal it properly,
The corners of the pics any seeped.. =( *fail 5*

That's it this week, that's what made me so disappointed with myself =( I have done nothing!!

Well, on the "bright side", at least I made myself sit and finish March magazines, wrapped up some craft books I bought... sigh..