Saturday, November 15, 2014

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Just last night(not really night.. 5am?), woke up feeling my breast engorged and forcing myself to get up and pump it out (Alivia now sleeps longer at night) I have a scary feeling if I don't pump it out my milk will go even lesser, then while pumping I was thinking "hey it worked, how I expressed my feelings here in the blog and this week pass by better, I'm not pissed at mil this week" and I already think I should blog something this week as well, perhaps my own breastfeeding journey.. AND today it happens again! *argh!!!* 

Today is a busy day. Hubby need to bring his car for service and I'm suppose to go to the service center with him in another car so he leave his car there and drive me back home.. Service center took longer than usual today for hubby's turn so reach home at 11++ (out at 10.30? Not that long really). And today hubby book a time slot at 1pm to go collect our dream house key.. It's finally done... *teary eyed* and asked if I would also join. So why not?? 

So reach home, pumped out milk (like so little, still 2oz from Alivia's birth till now, sigh...) inform mil I need to go out again.. She said ok

This is my FIRST time collect keys so I didn't know it takes that long.. Checking everything with the developer and alarm contractor..... 3hours++! Then I went out early to wait for Hubby as there's meeting in office so I actually went out for 4+ hours? Damn engorged and go home to a cry baby cannot straight go pump..

Okok off track a bit. Well everyday I take out frozen breastmilk(bm) for Alivia... Last week I was using the bm from breastmilk bags so mil can easily recognize which to give if I gone out. Yesterday was the last bag so today it's those bottles. 

Now, as I pump milk and was taught not to mix bm at different temperature so the fridge have like 2-3 half full bottles of freshly pumped bm... And my frozen bm I labeled date on them with masking tape. 

When I came back home I FOUND MIL HAD USED MY FRESH BM INSTEAD OF MY FROZEN!! 

How heartache!!!! I already have lack of bm, you used my fresh bm!!!??? Yes I know la, frozen or not, it's still for my baby.. But hello, EVERY FUCKING DAY you see so many half full bottles of bm there, obviously those are fresh right?? USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN LAAAAA!!! 

"Oh I don't notice one oh! I see got milk I give lo! I no time lo! And your baby crying there so loud make me rushing" WHAT THE FUCK??? 

Fine, get over it.. I'll just have 1 less bottle to freeze today. (Already pumped lesser today cos went out so long) those Un used bottle I keep for tomorrow lo... 

Since she is so busy today those bottles of bm she used she just soak with water and left there for me to wash.. You know what, those water are WATERY WHITE in color. Meaning, she never empty that bottle properly before soaking it.. HOW WASTING...!! 

I already have so little milk, can you be nice and help me save??? You nag me for wasting water(no I didn't), waste electric(didn't too), waste this that NOW YOU WASTE MY MIIIIILLLLLLKKKK?!?!?!?!!!??!


AAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!

On another pissed scenario..

Not sure why Alivia is cranky today, maybe her mummy were out too long today she misses mummy's smell... And this week she got cough so her appetite wasn't that well and always didn't finish her milk/hard to get her drink bm... 

And Annabell is still in potty train so while I'm coo-ing Alivia to drink, Annabell sitting in her potty.. And she got up! With shit sticking there and about to fell! I'm holding Alivia who is finally drinking so I have to ask mil for help to either clean here there or bring her to wash.. SHE CAN TELL ME TO LEAVE ALIVIA AND FINISH OFF BELL MYSELF!! 

Alivia is already cranky, if I put her down she cry loudly... I know she is just washing something in the kitchen and it's not important. Can't she come out and help??????????

When Alivia cries in her swing and I am slower to attend her, she calls me. And ofcourse I'll answer her "I'm coming.." (I tend not to answer baby cries asap now.. 1)baby need to learn self soothing 2)baby need to know cry is not to mean mummy come faster to pick her up. )
And lately she is more DEAF, and she can't hear me and calls again. IT'S SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!!! 

I'm not deaf. I can hear my baby cry and I'm preparing her bm in the kitchen!! Not doing something else! Just STOP CALLING ME!! Baby's voice already stressful. And her calling make me even more stressed!!! 

And now she wants me to put baby down and attend Annabell??! What the fuckkk? When she doesn't wanna help she said let baby cry a bit. Won't kill her. When she is annoyed baby crying, CHING EEEEEEE!! CHING EEEEEEE!!! 

SHUP UP LAA!! FUCKING ANNOYING!!

This is mentally bullying me. You won't see her calling Irene like that! Why me?????????

Friday, November 7, 2014

I have no where to complain.. So I blog!

Those were the time when my blog is my travelling diary with happy happenings.. Now it's a blog for me to complain complain complain!

It's saddening and depressing I know, but where else can I rant? Mum will be worried if I always rant to her, can't be always disturbing sis and candice, hubby won't understand and WILL ask me to TOLERATE. And it's mostly about his mum.. Everyone reads about it if I post in fb, and UN-UNDERSTANDING people will kepoh or laugh bout it. I don't need the "likes" I just want to rant!! There's nothing I can so about it, SHE WONT CHANGE HER WAYS that's for sure!

No, it's not a suicide letter/diary. I have yet to reach that state.. No my marriage is not unhappy.. It's just not perfect... LIVING WITH SUCH MOTHER IN LAW IS NOT GONNA GIVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE!! 

Update of my life: Got pregnant again! And gave birth to my second baby, a girl, named Alivia.... <3 br="">

    Alivia @ 7weeks old

So I'm now on maternity leave, confinement's over I have pass thru it again 2nd time, hallelujah thank god I've managed it better this time.. "holiday" is.... ending soon.. 

Someway, I can't wait to go back to work... 1)there ain't holiday at home! From the time I wake up at 9+ I never have a chance to lie down anywhere till night when it's time to retire! 

2) no work= no money. Mr Lee isn't gonna sponsor my Herbalife or nuskin..! He will keep asking where my 2 mths maternity paycheque went. Update: extended my "holiday" another unpaid month=no pay=no money=sooo poor=no shopping=depressing due to haven't found a solution where to put Annabell/hubby want me to stop breastfeeding by end month.. Which I won't.. Lol... 

3) I-can't-stand-MOTHER-IN-LAW!!! Especially I'm now facing her everyday-everyhour of my life!! They way she want to control things (not yet let her control me) but the way she talks and things she do. Her fucking reasons. Every fucking things have ridiculous reasons. What the fuck. Who is more educated here??????? This is where ALL my unhappiness comes from! Eg: morning waking up to a nice mood, took baby out from room and she just bathe BIL's baby... "Ching we bathe Annabell already I prepared water!" WHAT THE FUCK destroy my morning!! Hey I am 28 already la! I have 2 kids already! I know when to bathe my kids! I bathe them WHENEVER I like la!!! 

3.1: LOVES the blame game. 

 I bought and placed some organic charcoal pieces into the water kettles in the kitchens to filter the water few months back and yesterday i decided to throw them away as some are broken and it's does need to be changed. Today, MIL ask if I also threw away her white "ukia" some-volcanic-stone. No I said. And after a few more times asking I still say a firm No. Hello, charcoal are black her stone is white. I'm NOT COLOR BLIND. Now she blame the weekly Indon cleaner. -_-"

The Indon cleaner said she can't find out "zip" cleaner solution so she "borrowed" a friend's to clean our stubborn dirt and left the bottle here. I don't know why she just LOVES to stock up, MIL bought another bottle soon after (I told her we have a bottle in the cupboard and she said she can't find it, and the "borrowed" bottle was not returned) this week after the cleaner left she said the new bottle got lost. Only left the "borrowed" bottle. "Surely the maid took it away" she said. I told her impossible la, it's just a cheap thing why will the maid steal it? Or perhaps she took it and return it to the rightful owner? Anyway blaming the maid took it is the right thing......... Until she saw it later in the evening in the toilet's cupboard -_-"

3.2: Un-organized and cleanliness issue:

3.2.1: Speaking of the kettles in the kitchen. We have THREE kettles. 1 to put in drinking water (OLD fashioned till really village style. I told her get some nice plastic jugs for drinking water but she still bought a kettle). Another electric kettle is for boiling  water and let it cool down before transferring them to the drinking kettle. (And we also have a electric thermos for hot water, so kinda have 4 kettles in that kitchen) and the last is for filling in filtered water to be used for cooking. And this particular kettle is the one I'm pissed of. Yes la when the water filter is clogged(thought her hundreds of times how to remove the filter to clean. Her bloody reason everytime: I old woman I still don't know how to) the filtered water will flow really slow and she can't wait. I'm fine with her filling the water for "urgent" use but WHY another kettle??? And due to lack of space, the kettle is placed inside the sink. Thus Mr.Kettle has proclaimed that sink his! That particular sink have no more use other that being Mr.Kettle house. Sigh. So all of us can only use 1 sink in that kitchen for everything else. Ok fine. I've got used to it. Then yesterday so happen the very rare me want to refill the other kettles with water to boil and lift up Mr.Kettle. And..... I found a chicken skin/carcass underneath. *insert horror face* she never clean there or never see that carcass or what?? I mean she DO lift Mr.Kettle to use right? update: she does pick up the kettle when refilling the electric one to boil, but she uses a cup to scoop water out when she is cooking.

3.2.2; used to happen to me. Now to BIL's. Next time care alivia, Back to me. She thinks it's ok to leave baby feaces uncleared if it's just a bit on the bed/mat. BIL's daughter so happen peed a lil too far and stained a little on BIL's bed (yes we do have waterproof mat to change baby diapers, no we didn't buy a baby changing table) and she just say she didn't manage to avoid it but "just little bit la, never mind la!" Used to happen a few times to me during Annabell's time. That also cos I found out as the bed is still wet/the mat got yellow stain.. When I wash it she also said the same "aiya little bit never mind la!" *gulp*

Many more... Mind you... If I really list out more I can write a novel already! The sink, the table, the fridge, the freezer, the drawer, those shit stuff hanging there.. Those extra pots and pans and wok I don't know why she still buy that much when she already have enough. But after 4 years co-living, I who is also not that OCD but still beh tahan have got used to it. Just waiting for the day when I have my own house and MY OWN KITCHEN! 

3.3: No organized schedule

Recently she bought a infrared bed for health benefit and the agent advised to sleep on it 40minutes 2-3 times a day. Before that she goes to the center to sleep on every morning. Since she wakes up like 5am every morning sometimes she sleeps on it around 6-7am after doing her chores. But sometimes I really don't know what was she doing that she didn't sleep and then fuss to sleep on it when I'm the busiest. ie: today. Since tomorrow is Chinese 15th so she normally cleans the altar early morning but today she only clean it in the noon. Then I was busy giving milk to Alivia and she volunteered to feed Annabell lunch. (Who woke up 9.30+, had her milk around 10am and I doubt she is really hungry at 12...)Once I'm done with alivia I wanted to do some chores but she quickly pass Annabell's lunch to me and said she wanna lie down on that bed. Bell's lunch like left 2-3 more feed why can't she finish that for me before lying down??? No she put down the bowl on the table, changed and go on to the bed. By hook or crook I am to take over the last few feeds. WHHHYYY???!! I did ask what was she doing this morning that she didn't clean altar and sleep she didn't answer me. Really. Sigh. 

3.4: Over pampering her youngest son

And the least useful one. She deemed he is stupid. He's not. He is just childish and over pampered. He used to work in a cyber cafe so that he get to play more games! He never bring in money to his mum. So all his expenses at home was paid by his 2 elder bros. Jobless, his parents have to pay his car loan. My husband PAYS his insurance! Update: He ask me to help him withdraw money from bank next month, he need to pay back his bro... lol.. what is this? Turn over a new leaf? Still he doesn't need to do any house chores, including his room.(he can sleep in that dumpster if nobody clean his room, there's bed bug in the room! There's once it SPREAD to everyone's room! So scary! And nearly depressed me cos I thought I was the one so dirty and brought the bugs in cos I got bitten first) the fact he didn't feel itchy when got bitten really disgust me!!! Ergh!! he doesn't need to do his laundry and he gets home-cooked breakfast every morning! (He now work with his bro again, no he still doesn't bring in money to his mum!) Update: MIL told me he pay... first month... not sure months after that lar~ now even though I beh tahan mil, I don't want her to work so hard and get so tired! Waking up early to cook his breakfast(rice and veges especially for him as he prefer rice and can also pack for lunch. While his elder bro gets other breakfast cos they don't like rice for breakfast) and no the office is not dirty till the stage where you need to change your jeans/cargo pants EVERY FUCKING DAY. His brothers work outside, they only changes their jeans weekly. I re-wear my work clothes once more before a wash. Now like I said he don't do his laundry. His laundry basket is in the toilet So once mil see the basket full (the basket is small and gets full when ther are 2-3sets in it) she washes it. Then crowd-launder it at the already crowded balcony. I HATE HIS CLOTHES. I don't know why. I just can't stand his clothes. Thick and space taking clothes! What's more he don't fold it so I have to fold them. Pisses me off!! I voiced out to mil. "Pants don't need to be changed everyday!" Mil can actually side him said don't change his acne/scar/in-toxicated skin will be worse. Haiz I told her before his skin is due to his toxic body! Reason again!! Eating much meat in his meal and no detox cleansing! Finally today I voiced out to him not to change his pants daily. I doubt he will listen. Update: he didn't listen and still changes every fucking day Let's see what will happen. If he still change I shall convinced mil not to wash his pants till he have nothing to wear and washes it himself. Update: I didn't ask mil to do so.. Until one day I can't stand again how she crowd-laundry I WILL! I'm not gonna fold his laundry... >(

Ok. I'll stop today never ending complain. Another one another day. Till then...